July 10, 2020

Stop Self-Sabotaging and Just Go.

Do you ever just sit back one day and your mind begins to race? Thinking of all the things wrong in your life, why they happened and why you can't seem to just push forward and achieve that goal you wanted?

When will I get that promotion? No one appreciates the work I do. They want me to fail. They think I'm inadequate.

When will my boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife finally start to help out? Why don't they just GET IT?

I can't afford to do what I want. It's too hard to be successful.

It's called self-sabotage. And we all do it...It's one of those things we all know we do but don't know how to stop doing it.

Since I graduated high school in 2007, I have felt completely lost about what my "passion" is. What did I want to do for the rest of my life while also securing myself financially? Is it possible to have both? It felt like I had to chose. Either be successful or be happy. But what if you COULD have both? You just have to get out of your own head and find a way to do it. Great risk comes great rewards.

On my path to self-discovery (which has yet to be completed) I started believing I wanted to go into the fashion industry as a merchandiser. I wanted to move to New York City, go to a fancy fashion school and just be this glamorous, happy, single girl living in NYC. My financial restraints and fears landed me at an in-state university in Rhode Island, as a Fashion Merchandising major. I thought "fine, I can still achieve those dreams from here and then move on later."

I took my first fashion course: Intro to Textiles, 8am MWF. I walked into class on my first day in my oversized athletic sweatpants, my boyfriend's hoodie and my hair in a messy bun that I threw up on my head after waking up 10 minutes before needing to be out of my dorm.  I looked around to mentally decide who my classroom buddy would be for the year and where I would claim as my seat. When I scoured the room, I saw beautiful girls, perfectly straightened and curled hair, full faces of make up, designer handbags as book bags. I was shocked and felt extremely out of place. I felt like I didn't belong there and didn't feel I deserved to be there. Before actually giving it a chance, I mentally had told myself I can't do it and I immediately went on to find my new calling.

I transferred schools the next semester and changed my major to journalism. Reading and writing had always been a love of mine. I felt like I had so much to say and not sure how to share it with people and journalism seemed like the perfect outlet. I graduated in 2011 with a degree in journalism, ready to find a writing job in the height of the recession. After spending the next year working 5 jobs to pay my bills and be told time and time again that I'll never find a job in writing in this economy, I gave up. 

I took the first full time role I could find, a temp job working in Human Resources. I had no idea what I was doing but learned along the way, deciding that if I put in the time and effort I could figure it out. Eight years later, I've had multiple career progression steps in HR and am making a six-figure salary doing something I had no experience in. While I've been successful in my work thus far, and have found financial independence from it, I still have felt so passionless about what I do. It was not my calling. It was not what I thought I was meant to do, but it was a job.

I think back now and imagine if I had put the same attitude I had from that temp job toward getting through a degree in fashion merchandising, or searching for a way to make it as a writer, where could I have been today instead?

The point is - stop getting in your own way. Stop telling yourself you can't. If someone wants it bad enough, they can make it happen with work, drive and using obstacles as redirection instead of stop signs. Today, I will speak my future into existence. Today is the first day of my new career.

I am a writer who will be a published author in 2021. I will finish my novel by the end of this year and self-publish my book. I will find happiness and success doing the things I love doing. Serving my purpose in life of making impact on people's lives. 

What have you put off out of fear of failure?

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