December 27, 2016

A Look Back on 2016 + Goals for the New Year

As I go through my mental year-end assessment of how the year went and what my goals for the next will be, I had every intention of sharing all about the Shit Show that was 2016. I literally made a list of the good things and bad things that happened; things I would have changed; things I wish I would have said or done. I fully expected this list to prove right my suspicions of how bad our year was. Instead, what I found is how much I had grown and changed in the last year.

I won’t deny, this year had certainly been filled with extraordinarily high volumes of doctor and hospital visits between my husband, myself and Cooper. We unfortunately became the “Murphy’s Law” family, that all started with us spending 11 days in the NICU when my son was born. It was hands down, the hardest 11 days of my entire life, only to find out lately my son had a medical condition he would need to be on medication to treat, possibly forever.

Then there was an injury my husband had which required surgery. And of course, my own medical woes this year. It has really just not been our year to catch a break. But what really made me stop and reassess was remembering what all of the good (and bad) things have done for me and my family this year. I’ve seen a huge change in our dynamic and growth.

For starters, having Cooper was absolutely the most incredible thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. He is where my world begins and ends and I can’t imagine how I ever loved anything before having him. Instead of focusing on his medical issues, I’ve learned to see that he is in fact a relatively healthy boy. And a fighter! For a baby who was 4 weeks early, he has already completely caught up on his growth charts, and in some aspects larger than average, and is developing exactly the way a little boy his age should. He is so smart, happy, goofy, and a GOOD SLEEPER (super important)! We are so lucky to have such an amazing kid.

With having a baby, my husband and I’s relationship changed. Sure, we don’t get as much alone time anymore which sucks, but I believe we have a much more mature relationship than we did before. I’ve watch my husband become a much more understanding person when it comes to handling my anxiety issues. I’ve seen him grow into this fun, amazing and caring father. And I’ve seen him appreciate me in a whole new light. As do I. We’ve taken on a bigger and better roles as partners than we had before.

And myself. While having a new baby at home definitely heightened my anxiety a little bit, I’ve learned that I am resilient and strong. I had a baby. A freakin’ baby! And not only did I have a baby, but I did it naturally without drugs (but if you use them, that’s totally cool…not mommy shaming here), and in under 3 hours from my water breaking! I made it emotionally through 11 days in the NICU with my son. I made it through taking care of a newborn while my husband works second shift. I got laid off from my job and got a better job the exact same day with more pay, and a better boss. I went back to work a month early, so that I could provide for my family. I planned an entire wedding by myself while starting said job and caring for a baby all in the same year. I am a strong ass momma. I’ve grown to realize, I don’t give myself enough credit.

I tend to tell myself I am weak and can’t handle the stress. But if I can get through all that we went through this year, why would I ever think I can’t handle anything else that life throws at us? I have such a great support system between my husband, my mother, my in-laws and siblings, my friends. They would never let anything bad happen to any of us. I can make anything I want to work.

So I am going into 2017 with a clear mind, a more positive attitude and some goals.

1. Become better at budgeting and saving money.
2. Make a stronger effort to have quality alone time with Tim.
3. Make a better effort to cut out time for myself and friends.
4. Get pregnant with our second child.
5. Take a breath and relax more.

It's been real, 2016. But see ya later!

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