November 7, 2016

The Balance of Mom & Self


Recently, the ridiculously hilarious mother mantra movie, BAD MOMS, came out on DVD (and Amazon Instant Video…my fav)! As I watched it again for the second time, I couldn’t help but laugh and feel relieved I wasn’t alone in my frustrations and guilt.

Since I was younger, my main ambition in life was to grow up and have a family. I wanted to be a mom, a wife, and enjoy those life experiences that come along with it. Watching your baby learn to walk, making holiday dinners, picking out a Christmas tree together, and taking family vacations. For me, this was a sign I had “made it”. That I was successful in life.

But lately, life has just been so crazy, I sometimes feel like there is still so much growing up I have to do personally. How can I be the best parent if I’m still a kid? To be fair, I’m really far from a child at this point. I’m 27, have been working full time for about 5 years, am married with a child and own a home. Adulting at its finest. But there are some days I seriously feel like I don’t know what to do next, or how and when life will become easier. When will I be able to get through a day without feeling exhausted? When will I finally pay something off? When will I be able to go have a girl’s night out without feeling guilty?

There are days I feel like I’m not ready for this to be my forever life. But then there are other days I feel like I don’t know what I’d do without all of the wonderful things I have. Trying to balance being a mom, a new wife, a sister, a daughter, being good at my job, being a good student is just overwhelming. Oh yeah, as if I didn’t have enough on my plate, I recently decided I should go back to school and finish my HR certification. There are days I wonder if I really can give my full attention to all of these aspects of my life. How do you balance being the best mother possible, with still giving your husband your full attention? How do you make time for your own mother, sister, grandparents, when you barely have time to brush your teeth in the morning. How do you be a supportive and good friend, when you feel guilty for leaving your son home with a babysitter on girl’s night? The main source of my anxiety comes from these questions here.

I don’t have the answers to these questions. If I did, I wouldn’t be posing them. But what I do know is it is fucking impossible to be all of these things.  And the real truth of it is, not all of the people you are trying to satisfy all the time are going to understand that either. They may say they understand and that it’s okay if you can’t be that person all the time…but let’s be real. They are probably going to give you grief in the next breath for the same thing. 

So, ladies (and gents) who are as fed up as I am…please join me in saying I GIVE UP. I wave the white flag. I can’t be that person anymore. I can’t be the only one responsible for cooking dinners, or bringing and picking up my son from daycare. I don’t have time to visit my grandparents with the baby whenever they want me to. You have a car? Come see us! You’re welcome to come by. But I’m done going out of my way to make everyone happy. Because even when I do, they aren’t happy. So screw it. I am going to do the things I enjoy. I am going to play with my son a little longer, and when I’m tired, I’m going to take a friggen nap instead of folding laundry. I’m going to stop cooking dinner every night and instead ask my husband or sister, “What’s for dinner tonight?” I’m going to have my coffee on the front porch again. And actually finish it before it is cold. I’m done being the Chief Financial Officer for our family. It’s a job I never agreed to take on. 

I need a serious break from being everything to everyone. If I don’t it will kill me. And those who truly care about my well-being will understand and partner with me to keep it together. Not rely on me for their happiness. And thank you, BAD MOMS, for inspiring me to make myself happy as well as everyone else. Because I matter, too. 

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