August 4, 2020

Hey You! YOU ARE ENOUGH.



We are programmed as kids to believe that true happiness is found in the arms of a lover. We grow up watching movie after movie about princesses being saved by strong men. Then as teenagers, rom-coms tell us that we should ignore obvious red flags in partners because everyone is flawed and love conquers all. Then you grow up with the pressure to get married, have babies, and not be too old doing it. 

It's exhausting. And I'm here to finally call bullshit on it all! So let's talk relationships today...


For those who know me well, I've always been boy crazy and a serial dater. While it's not something I enjoy being known for, I also am not ashamed to have a big heart and that I am hopeful. Over the years, the boundaries I've set for myself in relationships have changed, as they should with age and experience. I've learned to narrow down what I'm looking for (and what I'm not). I've been in manipulative and abusive relationships. I've been in wonderful relationships that I wish didn't have to end. For each and every man that's ever been a part of my life, I am thankful. They have helped shape me along the way. 

All of these lessons are well and good. But something I wished I'd learned about myself sooner is that I am enough.

I'll say it again. I AM ENOUGH. I'm more than enough. Some might even claim "too much". But I love those parts about myself. And as soon as I began to love that about myself is when I started to see the quality of my relationships change. 

Reentering the dating pool as a single mom has been a challenge. It's not just you in the car anymore, and you have to find a co-pilot willing to be OK with the passengers you're bringing along. Additionally, after divorce there is this immense pressure put on you and the you put on yourself to find the "right" person. People share sweet encouraging sentiments like "you're going to find someone great! You deserve a good man!" And they are right, I do. But what I've come to learn is it's OK if I don't find someone great, or "the one". For once, it's more important to me that I find someone great in myself first and that I show my children that it's OK to be a lone and not to settle. 

In every relationship I've had, the common theme I've always found with what went wrong is not that someone cheated, or that I was being disrespected, or there just wasn't any connection. To me, the common thread has always been how I felt about myself while in those relationships. Weak, compliant, oblivious and anxious. It's a version of myself I hate seeing appear, but also has been a huge indicator for me when things aren't right. When I feel uncomfortable and unnatural, it's time to let it go. 

I don't need to be in relationships that do not serve me. I don't need to go looking for "the one". When the universe wants me to have it, it will make its way to me. Until then, I'll continue to find more things about myself that I am proud of and improve the pieces I am not. That's plenty enough for me.

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