July 31, 2016

Slowing down...

I felt it was extremely important for me to break my no-weekend-blogging rule tonight.
As I rushed around this weekend cleaning our house, going to cookouts and family parties, I moaned and groaned about how stressed I was for my wedding, and how frustrating it was to be alone all weekend with my son while Tim is at work. I spent the morning exhausted and praying Cooper would go back to sleep for just one more hour until I could open my eyes a bit more.

Late this afternoon, while I rushed to scarf down a slice of left over pizza before Cooper started whining of boredom, I had a quick minute to scroll through my Instagram feed only to find some heartbreaking news.

A fellow blogger, Tori Marocco of EXPLORATORI FASHION said her final goodbye last night to her almost 2 year old son, Jax as he lost his fight to a rare genetic disease.
After letting what I just read sink in for a moment, I looked at my son and began to weep. I felt awful in so many ways.

Now, I do not know Tori personally and in fact only recently started to follow her story. But my heart instantly began to ache for her and her husband. This loving family has just lost a piece of them. The glue of a family that makes you whole. That feeling in the pit of your stomach that just won't ever go away.

This family, is laying their angel to rest...and I'm sitting here complaining my son won't take a nap. I took a long look into my son's eyes and just cried. How could I be so selfish?

In that moment, I didn't want to let him go. I wanted to lay on our chair and snuggle and I wanted to be by his side forever. It was time to put down the duster, put away my cell phone and be there in the moment with Cooper. To cherish that belly laugh he has when you play Itsy Bitsy Spider with him. Laugh with him at the stinky diapers I have to change. Let him play in the tub a few minutes longer. I needed to rock him just a few moments longer once he falls asleep before putting him down to bed. It was my wake up call.

Suddenly I didn't care about my wedding. I didn't care about the mess or the fact that I haven't gotten to brush my hair yet since my 3 minute shower. I'm vowing today to take the time to enjoy the lazy moments home with Cooper, with my husband. Because while they seem small sometime, they are the most important and meaningful. They are why I wanted to be a mother. Tori, I pray for you and your family during this immensely tough time in your lives. There is no possible way I or anyone else could comprehend what you and your husband are going through. Jax is an angel and this is Heaven's gain. Your family is an inspiration and extremely humbling. <3

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