August 28, 2017

What No One Wants to Say About Miscarriage



I hesitated sharing this with everyone, but I fear not talking about it is not doing myself or anyone any justice. If you follow me on social media, you will know that I am currently pregnant with our rainbow baby (a baby that is born following a miscarriage, still birth, neonatal death or infant loss). What you don't know is right before we conceived our little miracle, we suffered a loss as well. Below is that story.

In May 2017, hubby and I found out some very exciting news that we were expecting our second child who would be due on January 17, 2018. Unfortunately, at 5 weeks pregnant, I also found out I was having an early miscarriage. It was something I always knew was a possibility but never imagined would happen to us. Before losing our child, I always felt sorry for expecting mothers who lost their child to a miscarriage but I honestly never truly understood how that felt. Since going through the process of a miscarriage (yes, this is a process. It doesn't not happen overnight), I've had more awkward and uncomfortable things be said to me that if only people were more educated or had a bit more empathy for those experiencing a miscarriage, then it could help make that person feel that much better that they can get through it. 

I'm going to share some important and extremely blunt statements of things I have experienced during this process. There may be some TMI, and it may get a little dark...but these are things you need to know so you can support any loved one who has to endure this.

1. A miscarriage, specifically an "early miscarriage" should not be treated like it's just a late period. 
The cramping and bleeding you experience during a miscarriage is nothing like a period. The cramps are sometimes painful, and a constant reminder of what is happening to you. The bleeding is excessive and it takes everything in you to go about your normal day and try to get through it. I can feel a piece of my heart breaking as my body removes the last of my former child-to-be. I don't wish that feeling on anyone. But I can tell you, this is NOTHING like having a period. This is heartbreaking, depressing and defeating. A miscarriage is not something that happens within one day or night. A woman goes through this for sometimes a week or more, depending on how far along they are.

2. Don't ever say "at least it happened this early".
At least it happened early? Are you serious? And I won't turn this into a political debate of whether this is a baby or a "fetus". This is MY baby! And I lost him/her. When a woman receives a positive pregnancy test, in that moment everything changes. They change their entire lifestyle, watch the food they eat, watch what they drink, take vitamins just for their baby. They feel a deep connection and dream about what their new family will be like together. Whether he or she will enjoy the same things as they do. What will he/she grow up to be like? How will your other children connect with the new baby? This flashed through my head in the short two weeks I knew I was carrying my new baby. There is no "at least". It is painful at any time.

3. Others, even healthcare professionals, need to think before they speak.
After sharing the unfortunate news of our miscarriage with those we had previously shared our good news with, I could feel the awkwardness begin. No one knew what to say. Every "I'm so sorry" felt like a dagger going through my heart. And while everyone meant well, it still feels awful. I've had a few people make really inappropriate statements and pose assuming questions to me which felt like I was sucker punched. One person told me about how they felt there as such a huge baby boom going on right now and how everyone we knew was pregnant. Really? Not me...thanks for reminding me of that. After getting the official word on our miscarriage, my doctor requested I visit the hospital for another RhoGAM shot (typically for pregnant women who have negative blood types, missing the Rh factor in their blood). Normally, a pregnant women wouldn't receive this shot until much later in their pregnancy, but as a precaution it is also given to those who miscarry. Now, I'm a fairly petite woman. And while I don't like when people make assumptions on pregnancies, I think it was pretty clear which of the scenarios for receiving this shot I fell into. Yet still, I had two labor & delivery nurses ask me "when is your due date/how far along are you?" and I needed to make everyone uncomfortable by saying I actually just found out an hour ago I miscarried. Then trying to hold back the tears and pretend it's okay so everyone can move on with the conversation is even worse. Can everyone just be a little more conscious of the words that come out of our mouths? And that includes myself. You never realized how badly such simple words can hurt people until you're the one hurting.

4. There is a sense of guilt you just can't shake.
I felt like I was holding on to this pregnancy really hard. There was a point right before the miscarriage where I felt off. For some reason I remembered "feeling pregnant" with my son, and this time I did not. I ran to the pharmacy to test again to double check and felt immediate relief when I saw two positive tests right away. Two days later is when I miscarried. You know it is not your fault, but you can't help but feel deep down that somehow it is. That your body failed you and your child. You look around and see all of the women who are successfully pregnant and wonder why you can't be. I kept thinking of all those couples who go through multiple miscarriages or infertility and how they still have hope that their baby is coming. I felt guilty for feeling so upset when those people go through this heartbreak over and over. I felt guilty for not giving my son all the attention he deserves while I grieved.

5. Honestly, I felt numb. 
My brain just hadn't caught up with my body on what is happening. I found myself for weeks after in a complete fog. I caught myself staring off into space, not being fully present with my family. I felt the tears welling up behind my eyes and the lump in the back of my throat as I try to hide my emotions so no one else feels uncomfortable. I wondered how I'll get past this and try again. How do I get to that place where I feel OK to move on? How can I honor the baby I'll never get to hold?

6. I felt alone in all of this.
It's important to remember, you are in fact NOT alone in this. Your husband/partner must go through it also. Unfortunately, it's easy to feel alone when your body is the one going through it. Specifically with early miscarriages, it's hard to communicate your feelings knowing you've already connected with your baby and your partner may not have. To them, it is pretty sad and unfortunate but may not be as soul crushing of a feeling as you are feeling right now. I was really lucky to have people in my life to help explain what I was going through to my husband so he knew how to be more supportive during this time. And he has been great. He's let me cry when I need to, and let me laugh when I need to not think of it. 


I know this post seems more like I'm just rambling but it's part of my process and something I really wanted to share. If you or someone you know has gone through this, just know it's more common than you think and you aren't alone. I want to break this stigma there is that we just shouldn't talk about miscarriage as if those babies don't matter and it's too morbid to discuss. It's serious and just being there for someone going through it can really help. I'm fortunate enough to have family around that don't mind listening, but everyone deserves to have someone.  

For the rest of my life Mother's Day will be different, my baby's due date will be hard, and the stories we tell our kids will include their brother or sister that should be with us but can't be.

I also hope that reading this gives others in this situation hope.  We were extremely fortunate to follow our miscarriage with a so far health pregnancy. Miscarriage is something that hurts the heart badly. But I am confident that those who go through it or other painful losses will get their sticky rainbow baby soon. It will never replace the baby that almost was, but it will give you another life to fight for. 

June 27, 2017

Thanks for the Memories

A post shared by erin schabowski (@erinschabo) on

June 12, 2017

REVIEW: Unboxing The Darling VoxBox




It's VoxBox time again! This time, I'm unboxing the Darling VoxBox and letting you all know how much I loved these products. These products were tailored for the busy working moms of the world, and I gotta say, I'm impressed! If you aren't already an Influenster, you need to sign up and start getting free stuff. If it's free, it's for me!


eva nyc Hair Therapy Mask

The directions were unclear on whether to use this on dry or damp hair. I had to Google it to be sure. The verdict was the use it on wet hair after shampooing. It goes on like conditioner, and feels very similar. The minute I put it on my hair, I could feel it smoothing everything out and separating any tangles.

Live Well Baby Shampoo & Lotion

I used this a few times when I got it on my son, Cooper. The smell is really fresh. Something about baby shampoo scent just makes me so happy. But this shampoo lathers like CRAZY! I could only use very little otherwise there were bubbles all over the place. Might sub as a good bubble bath solution. I ended up switching back to our other brand for a little while because I couldn't handle how many bubbles there were. What I did love about this bottle was the size and portability. Sometimes Cooper goes to sleep at his grand parents' when we have things going on and it was the perfect sized bottle to throw into the diaper bag for his sleepovers. The lotion was just as good, and I could actually tell it helped his skin. Most baby lotions I use just slather around the surface of the skin, but this one actually was absorbed which made me feel great about continuing to use it. Cooper has rough dry skin so this was the perfect product for him.

Duncan Hines Cake in a Cup

Mug cake is one of the best Pintrest hacks there ever was, but what's better than that is Duncan Hines has done it all for you. This is the perfect sweet treat to keep in my desk drawer at work. All you need is some water (or milk) and a microwave. I tried it with almond milk to get that creamier taste without the upset stomach later. So delicious!

Nature's Bounty Energy Gummies

We are trying to conceive so I didn't use the Energy Gummies, but instead gave them to my 20 year-old sister to try and report back to me. She is always super busy and is a summer camp counselor, so figured she could use all the energy she could get. She's been using them for a couple weeks now and says she doesn't feel like they give her more energy and in fact had the opposite effect on her and made her tired. Too bad, because I've used other Nature's Bounty products before and always loved them. 

Country Crock Butter (coupon)

I haven't used my coupon yet, but we are a Country Crock Butter family anyway so I'll review one of the products I have sitting in my fridge that this coupon is for. This is always the go-to butter I grab. It tastes so much better than stick butter and it spreads so smoothly. The tub of this spread is the perfect size for storing in the door of our fridge. Hands down, the top butter related product I'll ever buy. My family has been using Country Crock since I was a little kid. Plus after the tubs are empty, I like to clean them out and re-purpose them as snack containers for Cooper's diaper bag. So much easier than taking big containers of snacks on the go.

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If you aren't currently an Influenster, you need to get on board! Who wouldn't want FREE stuff just to tell people how you like the product? I do it anyway, so why not get it for FREE? You can sign up HERE to become an Influenster. There is no cost to you and little commitment. All you have to do is follow the prompts to earn badges for each VoxBox, and get exclusive coupons for Influensters only.


**Thank you Influenster for the products for this review! I received all products mentioned above free for the purpose of review, but all opinions are my own.**

June 9, 2017

Friday Ramblings #4



Howdy! I know I skipped last Friday's ramblings. It was just too busy of a day at work to post, unfortunately!



*Flowers*
There is something about beautiful summer flowers that can just turn my mood right around. Unfortunately for me, I don't have a green thumb to save my life. In fact, I'm like the grim reaper of plants. My mother in law bought me a hanging petunia plant (because my husbands pet name for me is Petunia), and she ended up having to steal it back from my house this week to try and revive it because I almost killed it. Woops!

*Instagram Spammers*
Know what I hate about Instagram? The creeps who comment just to spam you. Like a couple months ago, I posted a photo of my mother in law with a link to her GoFundMe page and there was literally someone who commented something along the lines of  "Splendid! You should check out my page!" Like are you kidding? I lost it after seeing that and called him out like a total d-bag. Morale of the story, I don't "follow 4 follow" or "like 4 like". If I follow you on social media, it's because I enjoy keeping up with your story. Plain and simple. It's not going to get me a ton of followers, but the ones I do get I know will be as genuine as I am.



*DIY Home Projects*
I have a weird obsession with doing everything the cheapest and fastest way possible. And to do that, I just do it myself. This weekend (I hope) I am trying to find time to DIY contact paper my kitchen counter tops. I just think it will make them look SO different, and if it doesn't end up working out, I only wasted like $50. For me, that seems like a worthy DIY counter top hack. Of course it isn't a permanent fix, but until we are ready to remodel the kitchen, it will do. Contact paper has honestly become my saving grace for saving ugly furniture.


*Vacations*
I seriously will never get to have a real vacation for a long time. It sucks. It's so hard to find someone to baby sit Cooper while we are gone. We wanted to go to our favorite vacation spot, Block Island, for 2 nights but unfortunately can't find a sitter so we are cancelling. Everyone keeps saying "just bring him with you"....ummmmmm, ya no. That's not a vacation to me. That's me chasing an 18 month-old boy around who is miserable from the sand and sun and doesn't have any of his toys with him. I'm good. I'll stay home instead. :)

*Chores*
I had this vision when I was a kid that chores ended when you became and adult. Oh contraire! The chores get worse! Especially when the only kid you have to push it off to is only a baby. We have so much crap to do around our house..gutters need to be cleaned, our grass needs to be mowed, weeds need to be pulled. Who has time for this stuff?! I need a money tree to prune so I can just hire people. Gosh, I was meant to be a rich person.


*flower photo & counter top photos are not my own. compliments of pintrest*